


Bleed Until I Can't Breathe

by StatueOfLuberty



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gun Violence, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, School Shootings, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9467513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StatueOfLuberty/pseuds/StatueOfLuberty
Summary: Ms. Abrams is talking about Hamlet, one arm waving while the other one holds the textbook. It slips from her grasp and drops to the floor, but it sounds louder than usual. Then, there's another bang, and Philip knows it's no textbook.





	

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: homophobic language, gun violence
> 
> So the cabin shooting never happened. They kissed in the cabin, Lukas dropped him off, then a shit ton of homophobia.
> 
> Obviously, title's from Shawn Mendes' "Stitches" cuz I love him so much
> 
> Thank you brookethenerd for convincing me to write this. I had this idea, but I was afraid of the feedback.

Philip bids a goodbye to Helen and walks towards the school. He can feel Lukas glaring at him, but he refuses to look over. This is the biggest fight they've ever had; they haven't talked for a week, since Lukas backed out on yet another promise of kissing him in front of their classmates at a party.

First, it was Red Hook. Then Barrytown. Rhinebeck. Nevis. Kingston. Elizaville. Red Hook again. He wasn't upset because Lukas didn't want to come out yet; Philip supports him either way. It's that Lukas kept bringing his hopes up, only to shoot them down each time. It hurts a whole fucking lot. When Philip said something about it, Lukas got pissed and said that he just didn't think each chance they had was perfect.

_"It's okay if you're not ready to come out, Lukas."_

_"Damn it, Philip, I can't come out as a fag!"_

Philip felt like he had been slapped, punched, kicked, and any other way to beat somebody up. He ran out of the barn and continued to the house, ignoring Lukas' calling after him. He slammed the door shut, locked it, and ran to his room. Gabe and Helen don't know what Lukas said, but they figured out pretty quickly that Lukas isn't allowed back until Philip says so.

Math passes by slowly, history slower, and then it's time for English class. Usually, Philip loves this class, but he's dreaded it this whole week because Lukas is also in it. How can he concentrate when the person he loves most who also broke his heart won't stop staring at him, sometimes sad, sometimes angry. Since Lukas hates him, everybody hates him.

Philip takes his seat by the window and crosses his arm, staring straight ahead. Other kids file in slowly, talking and laughing. The bell rings, everybody takes their seats, and the lesson is started. Ms. Abrams is talking about Hamlet, one arm waving while the other one holds the textbook. It slips from her grasp and drops to the floor, but it sounds louder than usual. Then, there's another bang, and Philip knows it's no textbook. Ms. Abrams has Philip and another kid—Kyle, one of Lukas' friends—close the shades while she has the few kids in the hallway come inside before closing the door, locking it, and turning the lights off. Everybody rushes to the corner where you can't see anything from the door's window.

"Guys, turn your phones on silent," Philip whispers, but nobody's listening. Instead, they're whispering to each other frantically.

"Hey!" Lukas hisses. "Listen to Philip and shut up!"

The other kids stop what they're doing and take their phones out, turning the ringers and vibrators off. Ms. Abrams crouches in the corner with them, pressing her finger to her lips when somebody starts talking. There are a few more bangs, which makes some kids jump while others whimper. Rose finds Philip's hand and squeezes. When he looks over, he sees that she's also holding Lukas'. Somebody's running down the hallway, then there's another bang. There's no thump, which means whoever that was must've found a room to hide in.

"Everybody text your parents, let them know what's going on, tell them you love them. I wish I could tell you we're going to make it out alive, but I think you all know I can't promise that," Ms. Abrams whispers.

Philip texts Helen and Gabe, telling them that there were five or six shots fired, sounding like it came from the first floor. He wishes he could call his mom's phone to hear her voice one more time, but they disconnected her phone about a month after she overdosed.

There are more gunshots, which makes Rose's grasp tighten. He squeezes back, hoping it calms her even the tiniest bit. Somebody's phone buzzes, making everybody jump. The girl whispers an apology before turning it off.

"We need to get out of here," Philip whispers.

"How do you suggest we do that, city boy?" Kyle asks harshly.

"In the city, they train us for this. I've gone through drills since kindergarten. It sounds like the shooter's downstairs and on the other side of the school. I'll look outside, make sure it's clear, then lead us all to the stairwell. We'll go out the door that's at the bottom of the stairs with our arms in the air so the police know that we aren't the shooter. We run until we're safely behind the police," Philip explains. "I'll lead us the whole time, make sure it's clear."

"I can't let you do that," Ms. Abrams says.

"If you don't let me, there is a chance that the police find us with bullet holes in our heads and chests," he hisses. "We have to take the risk."

"Philip, what the hell are you doing?" Lukas asks quietly.

"Saving your homophobic ass," the other boy snaps.

Philip moves towards the door and unlocks it as quietly as he can. He then opens the door slowly, poking his head out. He hears the others follow him, stopping a few feet behind. There's another gunshot from where Philip guessed the shooter was. He looks back, brings a finger to his lips, and steps outside. He motions for them to follow, then tells them to go downstairs while he watches. Somebody appears at the end of the hall, and he raises a gun. Philip realizes it's pointed at Lukas, who's standing by him. He pushes the other boy towards the stairs and stands in front. There's a bang, Philip falls to the ground, and blacks out, but before he completely loses consciousness, he hears a certain boy yell out his name.

* * *

Lukas desperately wants to run back up to be with Philip, but Rose tugs him along. They run outside with their arms raised like Philip told them to until he reaches the police cruisers. He stands there with his breaths coming in quick and short. Helen appears and coaches him through his panic attack until he's breathing normally.

"Where's Philip? Is he in a different classroom?" she asks.

"He—he got—he—" Lukas stutters.

Helen turns to her radio and says, "I've got a sixteen-year-old male shot, confirmed by classmate. He has brown hair, brown eyes, is six feet tall, weighs about 160. We need to get inside  _now._ "

_"We're almost done with the plan, Sheriff. Should be heading in within five minutes."_

"Make it two minutes. That's my goddamn son that has a bullet in him."

Helen brings Lukas to where his father's standing. Bo pulls him into a long and tight hug, something he never thought he'd feel again. It was awkward when Bo found them kissing in stables, but he and Lukas have been mending their relationship ever since.

"He got shot, Dad," Lukas says into his shoulder. "Philip got shot."

"I'm sorry, son," Bo says. "Let's just hope he makes it."

They watch as the S.W.A.T. team files in, then kids and teachers run out with their arms up group-by-group. There are a few more gunshots, then there's just a flood of people leaving the classroom. A stretcher with a familiar boy catches Lukas' eye. He tries to run forward, but Bo stops him.

"We can meet him at the hospital, but I'm not leaving until Helen tells us we can. She might need your statement," he explains.

"She can get it at the hospital, Dad,  _please,_ " Lukas begs.

Bo hesitates before waving Helen over. They talk quietly for a couple minutes before she tells them she'll meet them at the hospital. Lukas rushes to his dad's Range Rover and hops into the passenger seat, his body shaking with anxiety. What if Lukas gets there and Philip's already—

**_Don't think like that. He needs you right now._ **

_Who am I kidding? He doesn't want to see me after what I said._

_He still loves me, though. I can tell every time he looks at me. His face crumples whenever I'm glaring at him. I've caused him so much pain, and he still loves me._

**_How do you know he loves you? Neither of you have said it._ **

_The way he looks at me is the same way Rose did._

"Lukas? We're here," Bo says.

Lukas looks out the window in shock. Had he really been in his own head that long? That's terrifying. Being in his own head is one of the worst places he could be, especially right now. They head inside and find the waiting area for the emergency room. Gabe turns around, and his face twists in a way that scares Lukas. He's never seen him look like that.

"He's not allowed here," Gabe says to Bo.

"Gabe, I wouldn't have brought him if I didn't think it was right."

"Mr. Caldwell, I don't know how much Philip told you, but I don't want it to end the way it did without trying to fix it," Lukas explains.

Philip's dad sighs. "Lukas, I thought I told you to call me Gabe."

The younger boy grins. "Considering the greeting I was given, I didn't think I could."

The three of them sit down and watch the news as they report on the shooting. Apparently, it was this sophomore named David, but they still don't know what the motive was. Four kids were killed, nine injured. Two teachers killed while trying to protect their students. Interviews with various officers, some parents, a couple students who control their emotions long enough. It plays on loop. Lukas doesn't know how many times he hears Farah tell the cameras how she locked herself in the janitor's closet until a doctor comes out and calls out Philip's name. Gabe and Helen (when did she get here?) go over and talk in hushed voices. Lukas can't look away as a range of emotions cross their faces. Is it good? Is it bad? Is he dead?

_Please don't die._

Gabe motions for Lukas and Bo to follow them, which means Philip's alive. They take a couple turns until they enter an area where there are multiple beds along the walls. Gabe and Helen walk over to one while Lukas and Bo hang back. There's a tube down Philip's throat and a bandage wrapped around his chest. It looks like he was shot a second time, closer to his heart. That must be why it took so long. He doesn't remember hearing a second gunshot, but then again, so much was happening at once.

Lukas wants to throw up at the thought of Philip getting shot not once, but twice, while he ran away. He ran away and didn't go back to save the boy that changed his life. He  _abandoned_ him, and look where they are now. Lukas is fine, unscathed, and Philip's fighting for his life. He shouldn't be here. He's the reason why Philip's in that bed.

He hears his dad call after him as he storms out the ICU, but he doesn't stop. He's almost to the doors when somebody grabs his arm and turns around. Green eyes are glaring at him, and it's at this time that he realizes he's having trouble breathing.

"Where are you going?" Helen asks harshly.

"I—I can't—"

"Don't back out on him now, not when he needs you most. I don't know what happened between you two, but—"

"I said I can't come out as a fag," Lukas sobs. "And—and I can't forgive myself."

"Lukas, yes you can."

"Not if it's the last thing I said to him!" he admits. Yeah, he talked to Philip earlier, but it didn't  _mean_ anything like the other thing did. "He wouldn't want me there."

"No matter how bad it gets between you two, he will always want you there. We want you to be there for him, Lukas." Helen takes a deep breath and wraps an arm around his shoulders. "If you truly didn't belong by his side, you wouldn't feel bad about what you said. Come see him, okay?"

He nods and silently follows her back to the ICU, his heart still racing. Bo and Gabe stand when they come into view. Lukas keeps his eyes on Philip, though. The other boy's chest moves with every push of air the machine gives. He steps forward and pushes Philip's hair off his forehead before pressing a kiss there. There's no way he's staying away from this hospital. Well, unless visiting hours are over.

* * *

Lukas calls Rose the next morning to see if she wants to go out for breakfast. She agrees and pulls into his driveway not too long after. When he starts down the steps of the porch, she gets out of the car and runs up to him. He catches her in a hug and buries his nose in her hair, taking in the familiar scent of her shampoo.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she says into his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're okay, too." His stomach growls, which makes them laugh before getting in the car and driving away.

They go to Barclay Heights Diner in Saugerties. Lukas has wanted to take Philip here for a while, but first it was the hiding, then Philip was mourning his mother. They're brought to a table in the middle of the diner and given menus before the hostess returns to the front. Julie, their usual waitress, stops by with a smile and a pot of coffee. She pours some into their mugs before asking if they're getting their usual orders. They nod and thank her before she heads to the kitchen to let Greg know.

"How's Philip doing?" Rose asks. "I was watching the news earlier, and they said he's in critical condition?"

Lukas nods as he takes a sip of his coffee. "They, uh, they put him in a medically-induced coma. They'll wake him in a couple days."

"Oh, honey. How are Helen and Gabe doing?"

"They didn't sleep. I haven't talked to them, but I can guarantee they're running on caffeine. I should pick up a couple cups for them on my way."

Their food arrives a few minutes later. They eat in silence, not really knowing what else to talk about. Neither of them wants to talk about the shooting. Lukas remembers belatedly that he's supposed to have an appointment tomorrow with his therapist. Ever since he came out, his dad's been paying for him to go to a therapist so he talk about things he can't say to Philip or his dad. He wishes he could talk to them, but sometimes he just needs somebody who's impartial.

"When Philip wakes up, let me know. I wanna visit and thank him," Rose says as she pulls up to the hospital.

He nods and kisses her cheek before exiting the car and heading inside. Helen spots him first and sighs when she sees the tray off coffee he's carrying. "You're the best."

"I remembered you both like cream, but I couldn't remember anything about sugar, so I grabbed a few packets just in case," he says as he empties his pockets. "Uh, sorry. A little more than I thought I grabbed."

"It's fine. Thank you," Gabe says as he grabs a cup and takes the lid off.

They all sit in silence for hours. Lukas stares at Philip the whole time, ignoring the occasional buzz of his phone. It's probably his friends, wanting to get together to forget everything, but nothing's more important than his boyfriend.

* * *

 

Jenna's Lukas' favorite nurse. She's younger, and she asks him to tell stories about Philip. She even gave him a few cookies that she made for the nurses that had to double-shift after a really bad accident that involved two buses and three cars, all filled with people.

"Tell me about how you two met," she says as she walks in with an IV bag and a chart.

Lukas goes into how he saw Philip at school and thought he was the most beautiful boy he'd ever seen, then watched him go into the gas-station store a block away from the police station a few times before finally getting the courage to talk to him. She smiles at the story until he says that he fucked everything up by keeping their relationship hidden.

"I don't think that's why Philip's upset, if what you've told me so far is true," she comments.

"I can't think of anything else," he says with a sigh.

Jenna squints at him. "I can. I'm not telling you, though. Sit on it, try to figure it out."

With that, she leaves the room. Lukas looks back at Philip and frowns. If Philip's not upset that he doesn't want to come out, then what's going on? Why haven't they talked in almost two weeks?

"I promise I'll make this right," Lukas says. He reaches out to grab Philip's hand—wait a minute.

_"I'll kiss you at the Kingston party, I promise."_

Shit.

"Oh my god," he mumbles. "Why am I so stupid? I'm so sorry, Philip. I can't believe you went through that. You deserve so much better."

Lukas made the same promise each time they went to a party, and he broke every single one. He disappointed Philip so much that it possibly broke them up. They've been so distant that he doesn't even know the status of their relationship, and he hates that. He  _wants_ to be with Philip. He  _wants_ to kiss Philip in front of everybody. He  _wants_ to tell people about how his boyfriend tripped over nothing while they were filming a jump. He wants all of that.

He's just afraid it's too late to fix it.

* * *

 

School opens a week later, and Philip hasn't woken up yet. They tried to get him out of the coma a few days ago, but nothing happened. Lukas is reluctant to leave his side, but he knows his dad will be disappointed if he doesn't. He lets Bo drop him off, knowing he would leave school before it even started and take his bike to Poughkeepsie. Rose meets him at the front doors and pulls him into a tight hug before they head inside. He grabs a couple books from his locker and follows everybody to the gym where and assembly's being held. Principal Habib holds a microphone in his hand and waits until it's silent.

"Welcome back, everyone. I know it's been very hard this past week. We lost four amazing friends and two very-loved teachers. Know where our minds are, the next few days will be light work.

"I am very glad to see that those who were injured are back. However, there is still one missing. Philip Shea. I've been told by Sheriff Torrance, who is also his guardian, that he is still fighting for his life. I ask you to push all social statuses aside and pray for him, for he is a victim with a family and friends that are worried. There will be grief counselors in the library, main office, and the guidance office. Thank you."

The students file out the gym and head to homeroom to check in before going to their first classes. Lukas ignores his Spanish teacher and stares at his phone, hoping he gets a call from his dad about Philip waking up. It doesn't come, and he gets the same result in math. When he enters his English class, he wants to vomit as his eyes land on the empty desk by the window. He takes his usual seat next to Rose in the back and watches as Ms. Abrams tries to find the right words.

"I know that when we look around this room, all we see is what we lived through last week. Trust me, that's what I saw as soon as I walked through the door. I also know we all could've been killed if it wasn't for Philip. Like Mr. Habib said, push all social statuses aside and think about him. I know what you all say about him, and it disgusts me. I should've done something sooner, but I will now. The next time I hear any kind of slur directed towards somebody, you're going to the office with at least one detention from me. You never know when that person is going to be gone."

There's a weird feeling in Lukas' stomach, but he doesn't know what it is. He looks at the empty desk again and frowns. Philip's supposed to be there. Everybody's supposed to be in school. Nobody's supposed to be hurt or dead.

After class, Lukas and Rose are walking to science when he hears Kyle say, "That assembly was so gay."

"Shut up, Kyle," Lukas snaps.

The other boy turns around and stares at him. "What? It's true."

"I said shut up."

"Why are you defending that fag?"

Something snaps in Lukas. He grabs fistfuls of Kyle's shirt and slams him against the lockers. "That  _fag_ saved your pathetic life and took two fucking bullets for me, asshole! Show some goddamn respect!"

"Lukas!" Rose hisses as a crowd forms. It's completely silent as they watch the scene in front of them. "Let him go!"

Lukas complies, which makes Kyle push him. "What the hell is your problem?"

"God, Kyle, don't you get it?! Philip's fighting for his life, and all you can think about is who he likes. You're so hung up on it, you don't even care that the guy who saved our lives might actually die! If it wasn't for him, we might not be standing here! Why can't you get it through your thick skull that some things are more important than what he does behind closed doors?!" Lukas asks.

"Why do you care so much?" Kyle questions as he steps into Lukas' space.

"Because I love him!"

There are a few gasps. The other boy stumbles back. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not. Even if I was, I know that I owe Philip my fucking life because of what he did, and you should too."

With that, Lukas walks out the closest exit and calls his dad, letting him know he can't stay at school anymore. It takes about ten minutes for Bo to show up before they head to the hospital.

"Wanna talk about it?" the older man asks.

"I accidentally came out to the whole school."

A beat of silence. "How'd you do that?"

"Kyle called Philip a fag."

"Ah, defending your boy's honor," Bo says with a smile.

Lukas blushes and crosses his arms. He mumbles, "Shut up," which makes his dad laugh. "Don't be surprised if you get a call from the principal."

Bo glances over with his eyebrows raised. "That bad?"

The blond-haired boy shrugs. "Worth it."

The rest of the car ride is quiet, the radio an exception. When they get to the hospital, Lukas' heart suddenly starts racing. He wants to tell Philip what happened, but he wants him to actually be awake to hear it. Lukas will do anything to get him to wake up.

Bo and Gabe stay in the hallway and talk, leaving Lukas alone with Philip He takes his hand and rubs his thumb back and forth over the other boy's fingers. He doesn't know what to say; usually, he rambles about whatever comes to mind, but all that's running through his head is  _I came out today and told everyone I love you I told them before I told you I hate myself how could I do that to you you deserve so much more please don't hate me—_

"Hey Lukas," Jenna says with a smile as she walks in with a new IV bag. "Not ready to go back?"

"You could say that," he mumbles. "How was your weekend?"

"It was good. I slept in, hung out with a couple friends on Saturday, and had dinner with my parents last night. What about you?" she asks.

He gestures to the room. "You're looking at it."

She squeezes his shoulder as she walks by. "I'm sorry, honey. I wish I could tell you he'll wake up, but—"

"I know," he interrupts with a sad smile. "Thank you, though. I appreciate you trying."

She leaves the room, which means he's alone again. Well, not really, but—whatever. Philip can't talk, probably can't even hear him, so he's alone, and he hates it. It's like his life before Philip moved to Tivoli. Lukas wants him to wake up and tell him that he''s an asshole for saying what he said. He wants Philip to punch him and scream at him and tell him he hates him because just hearing his voice is so much better than this.

His stomach growls, so he heads to the cafeteria, hoping they have turkey clubs today. Out of all the places he's had the sandwich, Poughkeepsie Hospital makes it the best. Luckily, they do have it, so he gets one wrapped up and starts to head back to Philip's room. He turns the corner and almost runs into Jenna, who looks excited.

"Are you okay?" he asks, but she ignores his question.

"Philip woke up. Only for about a minute, but he woke up," she tells him.

Lukas wants to weep with joy. Instead, he follows her back to Philip's room and sits in the chair, using his lap as a table. Jenna smiles at him and walks back to the nurse's station. He unwraps his sandwich and takes a bite.

"You know, I would share this with you if I knew you could hold it down, but you haven't eaten in a week," he says around his food. "Jenna told me you woke up for a little bit. Sucks I missed it, but you probably won't remember it at all. Gabe is around here somewhere, but I haven't seen him in a while. I think my dad went back to work. Helen's directing traffic in the center of town while they repair part of the road. They'll be so happy when they find out the progress you just made."

He finishes his sandwich and tosses the wrapper away before returning to his seat. His phone buzzes with a text from Rose, asking where he is. He replies that he's at the hospital and that Philip woke up for a minute. That gets an immediate reply of exclamation points. He grins and types away, asking what the other kids are saying about him. The grey dots pop up, and it looks like it'll be a little while.

"What are you doing here?"

Lukas' head snaps up, and his eyes lock with Philip's. He smiles and starts to reach forward but stops himself, instead pocketing his phone. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"What are you doing here?" Philip repeats.

"I wanted to see you."

The brown-haired boy scoffs. "You don't get to say what you did and then come here like nothing happened. Get out."

"But I—"

" _Get out!_ "

Lukas whimpers and stands up, taking a step back as his lower lip wobbles. He turns around sharply and leaves, narrowly avoiding Jenna. He takes his phone out and texts his dad that he needs to be picked up. When he turns the corner, a sob escapes his lips. This is why he tried to leave the first day; Philip doesn't want him there. Philip hates him.

Lukas doesn't know how much time passes before Bo pulls up to the curb. The ride back to Tivoli is filled with Johnny Cash and tension. Lukas heads to the barn to work on the chores he's neglected the past week, but there's nothing to do when he gets there.

"I did them for you since you were busy," Bo says from behind him.

Lukas picks up the bag of feed and walks over to the turkeys, saying, "I would've gotten them done."

"I don't mind, son. You were at the hospital, waiting for your boyfriend to wake up."

"Yeah, what a waste that was."

That stops Bo. "What?"

Lukas sighs and drops the bag before turning around. "He doesn't want me there, Dad. Helen put it in my head that I should've been there all week, even though I  _knew_ it wasn't right. I feel like such a dick, thinking I had the right to be by his side. I don't deserve him."

He heads towards the house, leaving his gobsmacked father with the turkeys.

* * *

Gabe leaves Philip's room and answers his phone. "Hey, Bo. What's up?"

"I got home not too long ago with Lukas with a vague explanation. Do you have any idea what happened?"

The veterinarian glances back into the room and says, "Philip seems pretty upset. It might have  to do with what went down a couple weeks ago."

"I'm not saying Philip doesn't have the right to be upset. I never want to suggest that. However, you know as well as I do how much Lukas hates himself for what he said."

"I know, Bo. We just gotta let them take care of it. You and I both know they'll figure it out."

He hears the other man sigh. "I know. I'm just worried about Lukas. How long are they going to be like this?"

Gabe looks back at Philip. "That's a good question."

They talk for a couple more minutes about Philip's condition before Bo has to get back to the farm. Gabe stuffs his phone into his pocket and returns to his seat. Philip looks at him but doesn't say anything. The older man picks up the newspaper and finds the article he was reading before. He can tell Philip's trying to concentrate on the television.

"Was that Lukas?"

"Bo. He wanted to know how you were doing."

Another pause. "Was he calling because Lukas is upset?"

"He didn't mention him," Gabe lies.

He watches his foster son's reaction. Philip looks slightly upset at the lie, but he doesn't say anything else, probably convincing himself he doesn't care. This is going to be a lot longer than Gabe thought.

"You know what happened, don't you?"

"I do."

"And you still let him visit?"

Gabe folds the newspaper and places it on the nightstand. "We talked about it. A lot. I let him explain everything before making any decision."

"What did he say?"

"You know, for somebody who acts like he doesn't care, you're asking a lot of questions."

Philip looks at the ceiling and huffs. "If I really didn't care, that would mean our relationship means nothing to me."

"So you two are still together?"

"I don't know."

* * *

Philip settles into the bed and presses the button for pain medication. His chest has been throbbing, but he's been pushing off using any medication. Every time he reaches for the button, all he can think about is his mom, and he would stuff his hand under his leg. Unfortunately, the pain became unbearable, and he gave in.

He would do anything to see his mom, right now. She would know how to comfort him. She always made his day better, whether it was by making his favorite dinner or sitting with him on the couch outside rather than getting high. He could feel her fidgeting, but she would stay there until she was 150-percent sure he was feeling better. Now that she's gone, he feels lost.

"Hey, Philip. How are you feeling?" Jenna asks as she enters the room.

"Good, I guess. Little hungry."

"Once I'm done checking the machines, I'll go to the cafeteria and get you a chicken-caesar wrap."

Philip looks at her in surprise. "How'd you know that's my favorite?"

"Lukas mentioned it when he talked about you two going into the city. Where is he? I haven't seen him in a few days," she comments.

"Was he here a lot?" he asks.

"Every day, beginning of visiting hours to the end. The only time he left this room during that time was to get something from the cafeteria to eat, which is why I'm surprised he hasn't been here," she explains.

Because Philip loves breaking his own heart, he asks, "Did you ever hear him talk to me?"

"All the time. It was usually him apologizing. For what, I couldn't tell you."

He reaches for his phone and sends a quick text to Gabe before locking the screen and placing it on the nightstand. His heart races at the thought of Lukas staying by Philip's side for hours, apologizing even though he knows Philip can't hear him. The fact that he did that—well, Philip can't ignore it.

When Lukas shuffles into the room about an hour later, Philip doesn't know what to say. He had a whole speech planned, but his tongue goes dry as soon as his eyes land on the boy he loves so much.

"Hi," he finally says.

"Hey. Gabe called me."

"I know. I told him to. Come, sit down."

Lukas steps forward hesitantly before taking the chair by the bed. His body's stiff, and he keeps his eyes on his lap. Philip takes a deep breath before reaching out. The other boy stares at his hand for a few seconds before taking it, some of the tension disappearing from his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Philip," he says. "I've regretted what I've said every since it left my mouth."

"I know."

Lukas looks at him with wide eyes. "You do?"

"Jenna told me you would be apologizing to me when you thought nobody was listening."

Lukas doesn't know what to say. His mind's running a mile a minute, trying to figure out what Philip's really saying. There are so many things he wants to say, but it's all stuck in his throat. He feels like he can't breathe, but not like he's having a panic attack. More like he's just waiting for Philip to tell him he can.

"I'm not going to say that I forgive you, because I don't—"

"Trust me, I can't even forgive myself. Sorry, go on."

Philip smiles. "But, I think we can work this out. If I can fight through two gunshot wounds and a lot of lost blood, we can get through this hiccup."

"I'd really like that."

"So, tell me. How's school been?"

Lukas blushes and looks down. "Uh, okay."

Philip squints at him. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I may or may not have come out to the whole school defending you."

"What?"

Lukas looks up and sighs. "Kyle called you a fag, and I threw him up against a row of lockers. We argued a little bit, he asked why I cared so much, and my reason was that I love you."

Philip's whole world comes to a halt. Lukas loves him? He even told the whole school that he does.

"I feel terrible for telling the school before I told you, but—"

"I love you too."

"What?"

Philip smiles and squeezes his hand. "I love you too. Are you really that surprised?"

"After the past three weeks, yeah, a little."

The brown-haired boy rolls his eyes and tugs on his boyfriend's hand until he's leaning forward and kissing him. Their lips move together for a few seconds before Lukas is peppering kisses all over his face. Philip giggles as a weight is finally lifted off his chest.

Yeah, they'll definitely get through this.


End file.
